If you’re living in constant fear about what others will think of “the new you”– the “you” who experiments and who questions the way you’re “supposed to” live (I know I did– err, still do, sometimes), then this section is for you.
See, sometimes we get so caught up in what other peoples’ reactions and in what they will think of us that we forget a very simple truth:
MOST PEOPLE DON’T ACTUALLY CARE.
Yes; it’s true!
As much as you’d like to think that everyone else’s world revolves around you and what you’re doing (or aren’t doing) with your life, YOU ARE PROBABLY WRONG!
As I walked by people in my techno-clown outfit, not a single person looked at me. Nobody cared, and it slowly dawned on me that even if people did look at me weird, they just walked by. Later, they would forget about me entirely.
– Julien Smith, The Complete Guide to Not Giving a F*&^
Hahahahah!
Coming to the realization that MOST PEOPLE DON’T ACTUALLY CARE ALL THAT MUCH is both humbling and freeing.
You see, most of the time people will just continue to go about their business as usual. They aren’t paying as much attention to your life as you might think. After all, they’ve got their own lives to worry about.
Stop for a moment right now and think about that.
Isn’t is true? . . .
For the most part, I think it is.
Sometimes, though, people actually do care, right?
Which brings us to another question:
Then what?
Well… think about this:
If they don’t like the way you’re living your life, then they don’t like the way you’re living your life.
That’s it.
And, well… so what?!
Is their judgment really affecting you— or is it simply affecting them and the small, preoccupied lives they’re choosing to live?
Check this out: when people don’t like you, nothing actually happens. The world does not end. You don’t feel them breathing down your neck. In fact, the more you ignore them and just go about your business, the better off you are.
– Julien Smith, The Complete Guide to Not Giving a F*&^
Ahhhhh, I SMELL FREEDOM!
When I decided to take my Australian Knowcation of 2007, it was the first time in my LIFE that my mind wasn’t consumed with worries and anxieties about whether everyone would think I was a weird loser or about whether I’d “failed.”
I didn’t give a &^%$ that, according to “everyone else,” I was “supposed” to know what I was wanted to do with my life or that I was “supposed” to be going to work and living a “normal” life.
I DIDN’T CARE!
Why? Because, after years of living in fear about how everyone else would react and what they’d think of me, I’d finally realized that what other people thought of me or of my actions didn’t actually affect me– it only affected them.
After all, this was MY LIFE, not theirs!
Why in the hell would I want to live it according to what I *thought* other people wanted or expected me to do?
WHY IN THE HECK WOULD I EVER LET OTHER PEOPLES’ PERCEIVED REACTIONS STOP ME FROM LIVING MY LIFE INTENTIONALLY?!!
It just doesn’t make sense at all.
Living in the middle– living in fear– THIS is what we ought to avoid with all our might. Because this is not really living at all.
To top it all off, I realized that if my “crazy” way of living did push people further away from me, then… *light bulb moment*… THEY WEREN’T THE ONES I WANTED AROUND ANYHOW!
Booyah!
*Ding ding ding!*
Now, here’s the weird thing (except it isn’t really weird at all):
Instead of being harshly judged as I’d feared, once I began showing up as WHO I AM and putting myself out there, I found that people were in fact more, not less, drawn to me.
For example, when I told people I was going to Australia on my Knowcation, I was certain they’d think it was an absurd idea.
“I don’t know what I’ll do there or how long I’ll stay. I have no clue what I want to do with my life so I’m just gonna go let myself be lost for awhile,” I’d tell them, certain they would think I was a loser for it.
“How cool!” they answered. “Take some time to explore! That’s what being young is all about!”
Huh?!
When I quit my accounting job, some part of me feared that I would be ridiculed and everyone would think I was a loser who was dropping out of “real life” (which I technically was, if that was what you call “real” life).
But instead, I received more kudos and more “I wish I could do thats!” than I ever imagined. People actually respected me for it.
All of the sudden people thought I was really interesting, and even cool! (Me? Cool?!)
And that’s the power of the authentic self.
Having the courage to be unapologetically myself didn’t marginalize me as I’d feared.
Instead it made me more magnetic, more attractive, and more accepted by the RIGHT people–several, several times over.
We all want to find a sense of belonging and of community. (In fact, one of my strongest beliefs is that we come to know ourselves in the context of others, and not in isolation.)
And yet we cannot be known and accepted for who we are until we have the courage to first show up as our authentic selves, at least in some small way.
The difference between fitting in and belonging is
that fitting in requires you to become who others want you to be;
belonging is bringing your whole self and being accepted as you.
~ Brené Brown
So let yourself show up.
Let yourself be seen.
Now, you become Your Self.
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Next: Go on and do yer homework!