Have you read the Intro to Module 6 yet? If not, go back and do that now! (Remember: when accessing each module’s content, start by clicking on the “Module 6″ button directly rather than beginning with “Section 6.1″ from the drop-down menu.)
What kind of a person are you?
Are you living your life according to others’ standards, based on fear and complacency, or are you unapologetically living your own life?
Are you living and breathing your own truest occupation?
In December of 2011, after having I’d been writing The Unlost for about 8 months (while simultaneously working at my corporate accounting job), I had a realization, a sudden flash of insight:
I should just leave my job.
I should just leave the life I knew and the home I lived in to go and travel around the country for awhile.
I should go and work on what it was that really called to me: The Unlost.
“This was not the way I am meant to live my life,” something whispered to me.
Of course, at first I thought this idea was ridiculously crazy.
“I can’t just up and leave my normal life!” I thought.
“Who the ^&%$ does that?!”
After thinking it over, however, I quickly realized that perhaps I’d had it backwards my whole life: Perhaps what I’d always thought was “normal” was actually crazy.
And perhaps what seemed crazy right now was– well, perhaps it was in fact normal.
My friend Kim, who sold all her possessions, saved and planned for years, and then left her job & her home to pursue a round-the-world trip with her husband– articulates this well. She writes:
“When I started this blog the idea of giving up all of my material possessions and traveling the world seemed bat-shit crazy. Today it seems like something that everyone does.”
Yup.
The thing is,
NORMAL IS SUBJECTIVE.
Each of us has been raised with a certain perspective on work and on life– with a certain idea of who we’re “supposed” to be and what we’re “supposed” to do.
And for most of our lives, we follow these empty scripts, we live according to these “rules” that we didn’t know were rules.
Until one day we wake up and we realize that the way we know isn’t the only way.
We realize that there is another option– in fact, there are an infinite number of other options.
And best of all, we realize that we have a choice in the matter. We can actively craft and create the world in which we choose to live.
We realize that we do not, in fact, become happiest when we get the job we’re “supposed” to get.
We don’t become happiest when we achieve the success we’re “supposed” to achieve.
We don’t even become happiest when we “figure things out” in the way we’re “supposed to” figure things out.
Instead, we become the happiest when we realize that we can DROP THE “SUPPOSED TOS.”
We become happiest when we can become ourselves, regardless of what that looks like on the outside or whether it conforms to society’s expectations.
For some this may mean traveling, wandering, giving ourselves space to breathe and to be and to live outside of the typical confines of “what life is.”
For others it may mean giving ourselves permission to pursue a career that’s less “prestigious” than our parents might have liked, but that makes us happy.
And for yet others, it might mean giving ourselves permission to be happy at home with our children or children-to-be.
It never has to look a certain way, but what it does need to be is a life that is actively, consciously chosen and pursued rather than passively accepted.
Once in a while it really hits people that they don’t have to experience the world in the way they have been told to.
– Alan Keightley
It’s about exploring the cultural myths we find ourselves surrounded by and deciding what’s really important to us.
Consider Soren Gordhamer’s (Founder of the Wisdom 2.0 Conference) take on “cultural myths” and on how you can free yourself to navigate the world “in your own way.”
In December of 2011, after experiencing my “flash of insight,” I decided to quit my normal life– the life that wasn’t my own.
I made the decision to leave my accounting job, rent out my house, and travel around the country, giving myself time and space to explore the question of where I wanted to take The Unlost and how I really wanted to live my life.
(Sidenote: I could afford to do this because I had accumulated decent-sized savings over the years. I wasn’t married, didn’t have kids, and had no debt looming over my head. In other words, I had put myself in a situation where “dropping” my old life was feasible and easily doable.)
Here is what I wrote at the time:
I Don’t Want You to Live a Good Life. Here’s Why.
[Image by H.L.I.T]
I don’t want you to have a good job or a good relationship.
In fact, I don’t even want you to be a good person.
Because good, it turns out, is the enemy of great. Good is the epitome of mediocracy. In fact, too much good can kill your soul.
Before you call me a weirdo who likes to wear goofy glasses (who, me?!), allow me to explain.
Good is the enemy of great.
– Jim Collins
“My life is good,” I think to myself every day as I drive to work.
And it is– in fact, it’s damn good. From every outside perspective, I have zero reason to complain.
I have a job that I don’t hate– one that affords me the ability to use my brain, to work with some pretty cool people, and to earn a steady paycheck.
At the age of 27, I own a beautiful home and a little black car and a closet full of clothes (oh, and two super cute dog-children).
Friends: I’ve got them. Family: I have a great one. Guys: There are times when I can’t keep them away from me.
But no matter how good my life is, I just can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t it.
This isn’t the life that is mine; it’s not the life I was built for.
It’s as if I’ve been sitting on the couch my whole life watching a really good TV show– perhaps the best TV show I knew existed– but then waking up one day and realizing that no matter how good it is, well, IT’S STILL JUST A FREAKING TV SHOW.
And HOLY SHIT, maybe I can turn off the TV and get off the couch. Maybe I’m made to live a life that’s so much more than “good”– maybe I’m built to live a life that’s “great.” I mean, even the best HD ain’t got crap on real life.
Most people will look back and realize they did not have a great life… because it’s just so easy to settle for a good life.
– Jim Collins
Do you ever get that feeling too?
This past June, I attended Chris Guillebeau’s World Domination Summit Conference in Portland, Oregon. If you don’t know who Chris is, you really ought to check him out. Chris has the goal of visiting every country in the world by April 7, 2013, and as of today he’s made it to 174/193 countries, kicking ass and taking names along the way.
“If you don’t decide for yourself what you want to get out of life,” says Chris, “someone else will probably end up deciding for you.”
At the conference I met some people who’d found the courage to follow their own versions of great– people like Kim, who’s selling all her crap, quitting her job, and giving it all up to travel the world. People like Joshua, who decided to get rid of– well, 90% of his “stuff,” including his car, his house, and even his six figure job– in order to focus on what was truly meaningful to him. (Read this: “You Are Not Your Khakis: How To Donate 90% Of Your Stuff Without Even Realizing It.”)
Any one of these three could have chosen to settle for the “good” life– they could still be sitting on their couches and watching their lives pass them by. But they aren’t. Instead they’ve chosen to live out their greatness.
We’ve all got our own version of greatness– what’s yours?
Your version may not look the same as Chris’ or Kim’s or Joshua’s– it may not involve traveling the world or quitting your job or getting rid of your crap– and yet whatever it is, it is yours alone to claim.
The one thing standing in your way is just this: In that split second that you drop the “good enough” to reach for the great, your hands will inevitably be empty.
And the truth is, we’re all scared shitless of having empty hands.
We’re so fearful to let go of the “good enough,” because what if we end up with nothing at all?
And yet this is the necessary and the freeing but terrifying truth: that until we are willing to risk it all and to allow ourselves to feel the emptiness of an open palm, our hands will always be too full to reach out and grasp the great.
For those of us who count ourselves among the lucky, the day will come when we no longer feel we have a choice– when the risk of stagnation becomes infinitely greater than the risk of dropping it all.
The day will come when we see that in settling for “good enough,” we are selling ourselves terribly, insanely,ridiculously short.
And perhaps THAT, my friend, is the true risk– that we will never come to know our greatest selves.
* * *
I don’t want you to be a good person.
Nope– I want you to be a great person.
I want you to become the very best version of yourself; that person you were meant to become. I want you to unleash the grandest, most splendid, most insanely amazing display of innate human potential that lies within you.
When it comes to my own life, I’m planning some major changes in 2012– stay tuned.
What about you?
When the year 2012 comes to a close, where is it that you’ll find yourself?
Will you still be settling for the “good enough,” complacently standing by while your potential withers and dies?
Or will you be in pursuit of the great?
Three months later, I did it.
In April of 2012, four months after I had first made the decision, I did it: I quit my accounting job, left my home and my life as I knew it in Idaho, and I hit the road to– well, to be myself, whatever that meant.
I knew I wanted to build The Unlost into something bigger and grander, but I had no idea what that would look like.
I had six months of savings to live off. I had no clue what would come next.
But all that didn’t matter. What did matter is that I had discovered what was important to me– and what wasn’t.
Below: the story of quitting my job, and one important question you might ask yourself every day to discover whether you’re living on purpose.
* * *
“HOLY F–!” I said to myself as I walked out of the meeting room. “I think I just quit my job.”
A week ago, I’d had no idea I’d be doing this. Seriously– not a freaking clue.
In fact, a week ago I’d been out to dinner with a group of girlfriends discussing our plans for the new year.
“I have this really strange feeling that everything about my life is about to change,” I’d told them. “I just have no ideahow.”
And now here I found myself just days later, looking my boss in the eye without a hint of nervousness in my voice and without a hint of doubt in my soul. “I’m leaving in April,” I told him.
“It’s not the job or anything,” I said. “The job is great.”
How could I possibly explain it?
That there wasn’t anything I was running from?
That my job– my job was just fine. That my life– my life was just fine, too?
How could I possibly explain that I wasn’t running away from anything, but toward something– that I’d been met with this indescribable need, this inexhaustible passion, this inescapable drive to run– no, sprint, toward the life that wasmine and mine alone? Toward that life where just about every action I take– from the time I wake up in the morning to the time I lay my head on my pillow at night– where in every conceivable way, in every moment of my day, I feel as if I am living on purpose?
How could I possibly explain that I’d already experienced the “good life”– and that now it was time for me to run toward the great?
“Is there anything we can do to make you stay?” my director asked me.
It was in this moment that I realized the true extent of my insanity.
“No,” I said.
And I realized that I meant it.
As in, they could have offered me a million dollars and I would have said “no.”
They could have told me that they’d set me up in a beach-freaking-cabana with Brad Pitt for the rest of my life and my answer would have been “no.”
No.
No.
NO!
There was nothing at all that could keep me stuck living this life that wasn’t mine. There was nothing at all that could stop me from becoming that person I was meant to become, from living this purpose that I’d found.
I walked out of the meeting room and laughed out loud, chuckled, freaking CACKLED, at the insanity of it all. It was as if I were watching a movie of this completely insane-o chick who was about to leave her entire life behind.
The only thing is, this chick was me.
GOD HOW I LOVE US FREAKING CRAZY PEOPLE!!
* * *
So what am I gonna do now? More to come on this soon– I’m still working out some of the details.
For now, though, soak in this thought here:
Maybe finding your “purpose” doesn’t have to be this big, overwhelming, overarching philosophical question.
Instead, maybe it’s really freaking simple. In fact, maybe it’s as ridiculously simple as asking this one single question:
“Does this make me more of who I am?”
At every turn of your life, whether you’re making a decision as big as marriage or as small as buying a candy bar, try asking yourself that one question.
Our purpose, I believe, is not a thing, place, occupation, title, or even a talent. Our purpose is to be. Our purpose is how we live life, not what role we live. Our purpose is found each moment as we make choices to BE WHO WE REALLY ARE.
– Carol Adrienne
“Does this make me more of who I really am?”
Am I feeling joy? Am I feeling deep commitment? Am I being the real me? In this moment, am I living in alignment with my truest self?
That’s it.
If you can answer with a “yes,” then I’d venture to say that you are already living your purpose.
And if the answer is a “no,” then ask yourself what needs to change– either within you, within your situation, or both– in order for your answer to change.
Me?
I asked myself this question until it led me here.
Most people think my decision is crazy, but you know what I’ve come to realize?
I’ve come to realize that I’d be f***ing crazy not to do what I’m doing.
Because sometimes what appears to be insanity to the rest of the world– sometimes it’s in fact complete, unmistakable, full-on clarity.
When I wake up every day, I want to be able to say that I’m showing up fully in this world as myself. I want to be able to say that in every second of my life, in every possible way, I am living and breathing and becoming that person who I’m meant to become.
When I wake up each morning, I want to be able to say that I’m on purpose.
How about you?
How to Succeed in This Lifetime
In order to succeed in this life, you don’t have to live up to others’ expectations.
In fact, perhaps your biggest failure in life is to NOT TO LIVE AT ALL.
Perhaps your biggest failure in life is to LIVE IN FEAR– fear of what others will “think,” fear of “failing,” fear of falling short.
“Fear doesn’t drive change, but it does perpetuate mediocrity.”
– Jim Collins
Perhaps your biggest failure is to FAIL TO BECOME YOURSELF.
My friend Liz, who quit her job as an engineer to become self employed and to live life on her own terms, puts it beautifully:
I was so anxious and afraid that I was going to fail at life until I found out that you can’t fail at a life you don’t believe in.
Failing at life means failing at what you have defined to be the purpose of your life, not what others have defined to be the purpose of everyone else’s life.
-Liz Seda, A Life on My Terms
I can’t guarantee what the journey will bring, for it is your journey, and your journey alone.
What I can guarantee is that in the process, you will be becoming who it is you really are and who it is you need to become.
It is not about what you’re doing or whose expectations you’re living up to; instead, it is about who you’re becoming in the process.
It is about whether you are spending your one precious life living on your own terms.
My truest occupation
So what am I? Am I a writer? A blogger? An entrepreneur? Am I an Internet marketer? Am I a speaker?
In terms of profession or trade, you might be surprised to hear that I still don’t know what my truest career path is.
This isn’t to say that I haven’t become passionate and knowledgable about the work I do– I have discovered so many things I am passionate about, things that I never knew before back in the day when I was the girl who answered with a blank stare when asked what I loved to do.
This isn’t to say that I haven’t found my way into work opportunities that I never could’ve foreseen years or even months ago– I have.
But none of things things are what define me.
None of those things are my truest occupation.
Here’s what I do know: In dropping who I “need” or “ought” to be– in letting myself live in that place of great mystery, that place of Knowcation– in leaving the shell of who I was in order to become who I really am– I have found my truest career & life path.
And I believe that is what each of us are really seeking– every single one of us:
We’re seeking to find that quiet, still, nameless, formless place within ourselves– that self that’s been hiding in plain sight all along.
Your truest occupation is to become yourself.
# # #
Next: Move on to Section 6.2: How In the Heck Do You Do It?